I Love That I Was Raised in High-Risk Environments

Because it gives me greater tolerance for risk than most.

I was raised in the midst of violence, poverty, and fear. That is my baseline. Meaning when things start to feel too safe, I feel like a fish out of water.

Leading me to break things.

Six years ago I lived in a big beautiful home on five acres that I owned, drove a car I owned, and worked at a job that paid me enough to afford said home, car, and lifestyle with a partner who was also working.

Divorce changed all that.

I sought a divorce because I was way too comfortable. Did not compute. Not the way I was raised. Not what I was raised to believe I deserved.

I was not raised to believe I deserve comfort. I was raised to believe I DO NOT deserve comfort. Because I was raised in poverty.

So when I found myself in comfort, I found myself needing to break everything and return to the high-risk life I was born into. My brain is wired for risk. Not comfort.

Of course, this is also why I partnered with an abuser. So that even my life in the big house on the big property with the good job and the r…